§ We came to this world to LIVE OUT LOUD!
When the rose colored glasses come off
Summer always makes me think about relationships. Probably because I tend to spend so much uninterrupted time with my husband and kids in this season.
This summer we are in a good place. My husband and I are getting closer and closer and shifting some old paradigms in our relationship. It feels good to be growing and learning together. Reminds me that this is what soulful partnership is all about.
It isn’t always pretty or comfortable when we push each other’s buttons or face our own critical and judgmental natures. But it forces us to grow and become more and more capable of pure, unconditional love.
One of the things that I love about being in my 40’s is that this is the decade when the rose-colored glasses come off and we start seeing things as they are.
In our 20’s and 30’s, estrogens are high in our bodies pushing us to make “nice” and get along for fear of getting kicked out of the tribe. Our bodies haven’t really caught up with modern life or the fact that women can now choose how they live in some places on this planet.
In our 40’s though, those estrogens drop and we often start feeling major discontent in our relationships. We start noticing how much our life seems to revolve around our partner’s needs and desires, how unappreciated we often are for all that we do for our children, how our boss “bosses” us around and how unsupportive some of our “friends” are.
We get annoyed, frustrated and maybe even really pissed off.
We crave time for ourselves and by ourselves to shut out everyone else’s opinions and voices. We long to listen to the quiet voice of our own soul.
We start voicing our opinions, making our needs a priority, saying “no” to the people and activities that drain our energy or are simply “meh”.
Sometimes, we aren’t all that nice about it. We have been quiet for so long that when we finally speak up, we may blame, yell or even rage.
This often creates a lot of turbulence for a while. Those around us rarely say, “Thanks for setting those boundaries. I was just waiting for you to make your needs just as important than mine (or even more important).” or “Thanks for saying “no” when I asked you to _____________ (fill in the blank – contribute a gazillion hours to a school fundraiser or take on this extra project at work or go to a really boring and long social event)”.
Rest assured that this is all normal.
It’s part of the process of calibrating. Of learning to honor your own needs both within relationships and for yourself. Of learning that you can still give to those you love but ONLY after you fill your own cup.
This is the time to ask –
What do I really want?
What do I really need?
What does my body need?
What will make me happy?
What will make me feel alive?
How can I honor myself more fully?
If I knew that I only had 1 more year left to live, what would I spend my time on? How would I be “being”? Who would I spend my time with?
And then go and live the answers to these questions.
As always, I love hearing from you so feel free to leave a comment below or get in touch at firstname.lastname@example.org.