§ We came to this world to LIVE OUT LOUD!

The Fear That Has Held Me Back For Years

Aug 20, 2019


Every time I think about it, I cringe and feel shame and regret.

Ten years ago, a wealthy business man offered me a huge career break and I said “no” because I was afraid.

I had been teaching my Living with Passion & Purpose Course for about 7 years when a wealthy business man in Boston said something like, “We need to go big with this. I will pay to rent out a conference space big enough for 500 people and advertise your course in the Boston Globe and other major publications (note: this was before most advertising was done online.) So many people will want this.“

He offered to pay for everything, use his connections to promote my course and then split the earnings 50/50 and I said “No, thanks“.

I used the excuse that I was pregnant with my third child and too tired to do this. (Seriously?)

I told myself that I could afford to rent out a space and pay for advertising myself. (True, but why not take the financially risk-free option?)

I told myself that I wasn’t ready to teach such a large audience because I wasn’t yet living my dream of living abroad and traveling the world (Yet, I knew how to live from passion and purpose because I made my dream happen within two years.)

But here’s the truth: I was afraid.



I was afraid of being seen.

I was afraid of being exposed.

I grew up as an only child and only grandchild on my mother’s side in a very critical family and in a very critical culture. Perfection was expected and anything less than that was commented upon in very unfavorable ways. I felt like everything that I did, said or wore was constantly criticized and judged and I developed a fear of the spotlight.

Yet I craved the spotlight at the same time because my soul actually wanted to shine.

And so a lifetime of struggle began.

I paid attention to my appearance to look good and then felt super uncomfortable when people looked at me.

I put myself in leadership positions only to have major anxiety over being so visible.

I worked so hard to bring my work out into the world and then shied away from big opportunities.

Can you relate?

And now, the Universe is again giving me the chance to get my work out into the world and step up as a leader in a big way.

It is sending so many amazing experts to my upcoming Extraordinary Life After 40 Summit. Women such as Marci Shimoff, Marie Diamond, Marisa Peer, Christy Whitman, Ariel Ford, Katherine Woodward Thomas, Karen Salmansohn, Susan Bratton, Dr. Ana Cabeca and many others.

These women’s books and work changed my life and I now get to partner with them to help millions of women uplevel every area of their lives.

I am so excited and yet, there are moments when I want to hide, when I am terrified of the spotlight that is coming my way.

So I take a deep breath and remind myself that I was born for this.

I take a deep breath and hold my fear like a newborn until it calms and I feel the excitement return.

So, what about you? How do you keep yourself from shining fully? And how can you change that?

As always, I love hearing from you so feel free to leave a comment below or get in touch at natalie@nataliematushenko.com.

Happy Tuesday!




P.S. My Extraordinary Life After 40 Summit will launch on October 21st. More info coming soon.

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