§ We came to this world to LIVE OUT LOUD!
So Hard to Let Them Go
This has been a really tough week for me, and for my family. At least for all of us who are still here in Colombia.
A few days ago, my oldest who just turned 17, left for her last 2 years of high school in UWC Dilijan in Armenia. 27 hours away by plane and bus. UWC Dilijan is an amazing place and 24 hours after getting there, my daughter’s friend list already reads like a United Nations roster.
It’s great to see her fit right in, adjust so well and begin what we all think will be the best 2 years of her life. She will be on a gorgeous campus in the mountains of Armenia, surrounded by 200 kids who are a lot like her from nearly 70 countries, studying, traveling, doing service projects, skiing and hiking… how can this not be an amazing experience?
And it’s so, so hard for those of us who stayed behind.
One of our muskateers is gone.
Her absence is palpable.
Every time I walk by her bedroom – which is constantly because her bedroom is on the first floor – I feel like crying.
Evenings are the worst. I miss sitting on her bed and chatting about her day or watching a TV show together.
I miss saying goodnight and laying down and cuddling with her as we wind down the day.
I know I should be proud that she is a seventeen year-old who is both connected enough to us that she wanted to cuddle up until her last night here and independent enough that she can go to school halfway around the world and thrive.
And I am proud of her and yet my heart aches.
Letting go is so hard.
”How did 17 years go by so quickly? Did I do enough? Teach her enough? Love her enough in the way that she needed to be loved? I know I gave her wings but did I give her enough roots?” – these questions constantly go through my head.
I don’t really know the answers and I suspect I never will.
I will little by little get used to this new reality.
I will get used to having a grown-up daughter and navigate a changing relationship.
So, what about you? Have you had to say goodbye as any of your kids left the house? How did you handle it?
As always, I love hearing from you so feel free to leave a comment below or get in touch at natalie@nataliematushenko.com.
Happy Tuesday!
Natalie
P.S. My Extraordinary Life After 40 Summit will launch on October 21st. More info coming soon.
