§ We came to this world to LIVE OUT LOUD!

I Was Traumatized (and Ultimately Healed)

Mar 10, 2020


It was pretty traumatic. I couldn’t stop crying all night.

My youngest daughter was a little distraught and kept asking me why I was crying. I wanted to be authentic but I also didn’t want to share with her how disillusioned I felt with humanity. That seemed like way too much to put on a 9- year old.
Plus, I knew that my own abandonment issues had been deeply triggered. And this was my stuff to work through.
So, I told her that “Mommy just feels very sad and needs to let the sadness flow out with my tears.”
Truth to tell, it took me a week to fully process what happened and to be ready to write about it.
Here’s what happened.

I was stuck in an Uber in horrible traffic after some rain in Bogota. According to Waze, it would take me over an hour to get home by Uber whereas my apartment was about a 15 to 20-minute walk away.

I decided to walk homey.

This was a big mistake!

What I didn’t know is that a levee broke and there was flooding around the city as the water raced off the mountains and filled city streets. I crossed a major avenue wading through knee high water.

At the second major avenue, I wasn’t so lucky.
I had to jump over what was basically a river with a pretty strong current. I landed badly and sprained my ankle. I fell from the searing pain further banging myself.
As I sat on the curb, trying to catch my breath through the pain, cars drove by spraying me with water. One man yelled across the street to see if I was ok and I raised my hand to let him know that I was alive.
Nobody else asked or did anything.
I had to get myself up a hill and hobbled eight blocks home.
As I felt my foot and ankle swell like a balloon and tried my best not to pass out from the pain, all I could think about during that rainy walk is that I was the perfect target to be mugged.
That’s when I realized how much I have absorbed the fear and mistrust of people that is all around me in Colombia. Given the complicated and violent history here, nobody trusts anybody. People seem to be revered as crafty and creative when they get away with stuff and victims “give papaya” (basically did something not careful or stupid which resulted in them being harmed or taken advantage of).
This lack of trust (and often with very good reason!) was the hardest part for me of adapting to life in Colombia. It still hurts my heart.

When I finally made it home, I laid down and felt the full extent of my pain.

Tears ran down my cheeks.

I wasn’t crying for the physical pain. I actually have pretty high tolerance for pain. I had 3 children naturally, with no drugs, and I was fine.

I cried because nobody offered to help.

I cried because even if they did, I would never let a stranger here take me home. That would be giving major papaya.

I cried because I felt alone and abandoned in a foreign country.

I cried because a neighbor told me how she once laid on the sidewalk for two hours after a fall without anybody coming to her assistance.

I cried because another neighbor told me that when her mom fell in the streets, she was pick-pocketed by the people who “helped” her get up.

I cried because I felt so disappointed in humanity.

And it seemed that once I started crying, I couldn’t stop.

I cried for victims of violence and victims of war. I cried for everybody who doesn’t feel safe when they leave their house. Or even in their own homes.

I cried for my inner child and all the ways she felt alone and abandoned and abused.

I thought that I healed these wounds years ago but it seems that there’s always more in me to feel and to heal.

And then I received a call from my closest friend in Colombia. She’s like a sister to me.

She offered me love and support. She gave me advice on how to take care of my sprain, said that she would leave her phone on all night in case I needed anything and changed her own long-standing medical appointment to take me to the orthopedic clinic the next day. She sat with me for three hours through every step of the process of diagnosing my sprain and getting my removable cast on.

I allowed her caring and love to heal me.

To remind me that despite the “reality” I see all around me, I am safe, I have never been harmed in any way anywhere in the world (and I have traveled to over 60 countries) and that I have created a family for myself here in Colombia. And around the world. A family of loving and caring people. These people exist everywhere.

All we have to do is get ourselves in alignment with their energy and we will attract wonderful people wherever we go.

I decided right then and there to make an even bigger effort to keep my energy vibrating at a high frequency to see the beauty and love all around me. To expect life to flow with grace and ease. To feel gratitude every step of the way.

What about you? Can you see the beauty of the world even in the midst of pain? If not, what do you need to cultivate within yourself so that you can?

I love hearing from you so feel free to leave a comment below.


Happy Tuesday!




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