§ We came to this world to LIVE OUT LOUD!
I Was So Pissed!
Five minutes ago, I was so pissed at my husband, I wanted to divorce him. I couldn’t imagine 5 more minutes in the house with this man, let alone the rest of our lives!
In fact, I just stopped writing this blog post to walk back into the house, take his face into my hands and tell him, “I know we’re both super stressed. We are going to work this out and come up with some better systems for doing things so this doesn’t happen again.”
I then kissed him on the lips and left the room.
He looked rather stunned. I think he was expecting a few hours of dirty looks and passive/aggressive comments… or at least some silent treatment.
And the best part is that this isn’t some fantasy I’m telling you about. This really just happened.
It feels really good to laugh too. And I was laughing all the way back to my office.
And I feel frickin’ victorious! (Sorry! I really have a hard time swearing in print. Or when the kids are around. I’m a bit of a potty-mouth the rest of the time though.)
It’s funny, I was just thinking this morning how maintaining inner peace (or our sanity, at times) is a moment-by-moment practice.
In short, it’s allowing ourselves to be transformed by the collective experience we are all living now.
Or we can allow ourselves to feel the deep grief and loss below whatever it is that we are feeling and then, and only then, get on with the business of becoming responsible for ourselves, our emotions and our energy.
1. We realize that our feelings are ours.
Nobody else is responsible for them. WE feel angry, scared, powerless, sad, etc. Nobody else MADE us feel this way. Nobody can make us feel anything. We feel what we feel because of how we perceive the world and how we react to it.
2. Once we accept that our feelings are ours, we are free to do something about them.
We can feel them long enough to get information as to what needs to be done.
3. But before doing anything, we need to get back to our center.
We can meditate, exercise, walk mindfully, breathe deeply, use essential oils, questions our thoughts and beliefs, do energetic release work. These are just a few ideas.
4. Once we are centered, we are free to respond to the situation at hand in a way that will bring us greater peace.
We may need to lovingly set a boundary or we may need some self-care or we may need to re-negotiate space/to-do’s/systems. In my case, I took a few deep breaths and realized that in that particular moment, I was angry at my husband for making me angry.
I was blaming him and the person suffering was me. I asked myself, “What would lead me to peace right now?” And because I have been doing this for a while, the answer was clear. So, I dropped my anger and surprised him with a kiss. I laughed and our entire energy shifted. I know without a doubt that later tonight when we finally have some time alone, we will be able to have a productive conversation about what happened and how to make some changes so that we can cohabitate more happily together from now on.
It feels good to be responsible for my emotions and my energy. It gives me power to choose and to act rather than blindly react. And I know that if I practice it now, I will be able to use these skills for the rest of my life.
What about you? How are you practicing living in the here and now?
I love hearing from you so feel free to leave a comment below.
Great blog. I wanted to kill my husband last week, yes the one i adore, for showing up at a virtual meeting looking unkempt and dishevelled when we are part of a leadership team keeping 80 families afloat during lockdown. Then i calmed down, explained why his leadership mattered right now to all of us and felt so much better than the quiet passive aggressive number i had pulled on him during the day. Maybe this corona is teaching us more than we thought. I love him again this week xxxxxx
Sending you big hugs
This virus is definitely teaching us more than we thought! Such an opportunity! If we can do it in these challenging times, just imagine what a breeze life will be in other times. Thanks for taking the time to comment Alison! And for the great work you and your husband are doing in the world. xoxox. Lots of love.
Such a beautiful and powerful and authentic blog.
Love your honesty and openness. Very inspiring –
I wish I had you around when I was going through hard times at home – unfortunately it ended in divorce and I lost my partner – the husband to my 5 children. We were very young when we married and without the support of counseling in our marriage, the dynamics of in-laws that were consistently eating away at our relationship, we drifted apart to such an extent that we no longer could talk to each other. I was hurt so badly as this triggered the rejection of my inner child and drove me to depression. Thankfully I was able to get out of this over many months of introspection, learning to love myself, much meditation, self help books and support from family and long soulful walks at sun rise along the beachfront. Have enjoyed the Passion and Purpose course so much. It has been another step to learning about myself and continue my journey to my Purpose on this earth. Thank you Natalie.
Thank you Emilia, for sharing your story so honestly and bravely. You see in me what is already in you! Marriage, as you know, is so challenging and it really does take a village and teaches us so much. I am so happy that you were able to heal and are moving forward and especially, learning to love yourself! And I’m glad you are enjoying the Passion & Purpose course as well! I feel very grateful to have you in my community! xoxo
I agree, but if we have a spouse he needs to be on board too. So how do you do that? Continue communicating, bonding, planning and keeping it real and alive. Staying inside, not having a change of scenery, seeing friends is tough, but if both of us continue caring, making time to exercise, talk and have fun helps, but both of us need to, and he is very inconsistent, so we are distancing from each other and I feel very lonely and isolated.
Hi Jenny! Thanks for taking the time to comment. I completely hear you – it would be so much better if husbands were on board also! Would make life a lot easier. That said, you don’t actually need him to be on board. Ultimately what he is doing is his business. He is on his own path and it may very well be different from yours. Your job is to take care of your path – make time for your self care, for talking and having fun with the people in your life who want to do that now (thank God for Zoom) and basically become responsible for cultivating the inner state you want to have regardless of what anybody else is doing. This gives you real power and real freedom, for these challenging times and for the rest of your life. There is nothing quite as liberating as not needing anybody else so that you can feel a certain way. But rather to connect to others from an overflowing cup. I know that it’s easier said than done but it absolutely can be done. It’s worth all the hard work to get there.xoxo, Natalie