§ We came to this world to LIVE OUT LOUD!
I Now Have a Completely Different Outlook on Life
As I sit here writing in a quiet library in Lincoln, Massachusetts, I am amazed by the growth and changes that have happened in my life over the past 2 years.
Two years ago, I thought I was in great health until I went in for my annual physical. The doctor felt a lump in my thyroid, which led to testing and more testing.
What followed was a nightmare. Six months of all kinds of tests where doctors thought I had thyroid cancer, then lung cancer, then skin cancer, then breast cancer and then adrenal cancer.
Thankfully, they didn’t find any cancer but then I was told that I would need open-heart surgery within a year or two to fix a regurgitating valve which I have had for years. I had small children. I didn’t want open heart surgery.
I remember feeling betrayed by my body.
I had been exercising, eating healthy and taking care of my body, mind and spirit for nearly 20 years at that point. I had followed my deepest, most authentic longing and moved my family of five to South America for a slower pace of life and much more adventure.
I had expected health in return. What was going on? Why on earth was my body betraying me like this?
I was pissed but I knew that I had to do something. I started meditating and clearing emotional blocks. A friend suggested that I see a healer who told me that my heart was only 46% open. If I wanted to heal it, I would have to go deep within and face the pain of the past that was keeping it closed.
“This work is not for the faint of heart”, she said. She wasn’t trying to be funny.
And she wasn’t kidding either.
The six-months that followed were a roller coaster of emotions as I healed the painful memories that my body was holding. I had thought I already processed them all in therapy years ago but apparently, that wasn’t enough. I had to exorcise them from the body.
And it turns out that my body knew exactly what it needed. My heart began to heal. You can read more about that here. The fancy team of doctors at a top hospital in Boston couldn’t believe it. My cardiologist said something like “There’s no evidence to support the heart healing itself but just keep doing what you’re doing because it’s obviously working“.
Two years later, I no longer need to see my cardiologist or get an echocardiogram on this annual visit to Boston.
Looking back, I can see how it was all perfectly designed. What felt like a 2 X 4 over the head from the Universe actually turned out to be a huge gift.
As I healed my heart, both physically and emotionally, I began to experience more freedom, flow and joy. I didn’t even realize how much I was protecting myself until I removed some of those layers of fear from around my heart.
I began to live even more authentically and to speak my truth even more. To ask for what I needed and to set boundaries with situations that were no longer serving me and people who didn’t leave me feeling loved and cared for.
At the time, I thought my 40+ year old body was betraying me. Now I can see that it was wisely guiding me towards wholeness, self-acceptance and unconditional love for myself.
I can see that my soul begged me to move to a slower-paced life in South America so that I would have the time to go within and do deeper healing work. Work that would literally save my life and then allow me to live this life in freedom and with more joy.
I believe that as we get to our forties, our bodies can no longer tolerate holding all the stuff that we no longer need. They no longer tolerate the lies we tell ourselves to protect ourselves from the pain of what’s within us. It just takes too much energy to keep the lid on all of it and the body says “no more”. It starts to speak in the form of aches and pains and illness. Sometimes we need a 2 X 4 over the head, in the form of a serious illness or scare of a serious illness, to stop and pay attention.
I am so glad that I did. (Not that my body gave me much of a choice).
So, what about you? How’s your body speaking to you? What does it want you to attend to in your life?
As always, I love hearing from you so feel free to leave a comment below or get in touch at firstname.lastname@example.org.
This is soooo beautiful! It’s wonderful to understand this transformation at such a deep level.
Thanks so much! I really appreciate your comments and feedback. I love to write. It helps me make sense of my inner world. xoxox