Grieve to Set Yourself Free

Grief.

That’s what I feel as I sit on a plane from Boston, where we lived for 3 short but amazing years, to Florida, where we will soon be enjoying sunshine and my parents’ company.

Endings and new beginnings. That’s what my life is all about.

I am constantly stepping into a new reality – connecting to my friends’ lives in Boston or rural Vermont, my parents’ lives in the warm Florida sunshine, our own life in South America and then, all the travel that we do all over the world.

I have chosen this life and I love it!

I love the freedom.

I love being able to have many diverse experiences in one lifetime. Or in one month.

And yet, I need to acknowledge the grief that I feel each time I say goodbye to beloved family members or close friends. Or even to a new place I fell in love with while traveling, like I did with Sri Lanka in January.

The grief is uncomfortable. It pulls me down into a darkness I don’t really want to feel.

I want to skip over it. To just focus on the next exciting experience.

Right now, I could easily focus on how good it will feel to lay on a white sand beach and enjoy my parents’ comfort food after a week of snowy cold.

But I know that not acknowledging the grief and the sadness I feel will ultimately close off pieces of my heart and not allow me to fully enjoy the bounty all around me.

So, I grieve for:
–       not being able to see on a regular basis the friends I love and with whom I can share my deepest thoughts and feelings.
–       the seasons and the joys and challenges that each one brings.
–       the diversity of people and ideas and like-minded souls that I find in New England.
–       the magnificent landscapes and nature of Vermont.
–       the orderly traffic and considerate people all around me.
–       food from all over the world.
–       the passage of time and how quickly my girls are growing (only three more spring breaks until my oldest goes off to college).
–       The experiences my girls will miss out on by not growing up in the Northeast of the USA.
–       my changing middle-aged body and the aches and pains that are starting to show up.
–       the wrinkles I see on my husband’s face that mirror my own (we were babies when we met).
–       my parents’ aging and health challenges.

I take a deep breath and allow myself to feel it all… and I feel a softening, an acceptance and a sense of compassion for myself and all the people around me.

Being human is messy at times. We are walking contradictions of thoughts and emotions.

We make choices that are often trade-offs. By choosing to live in a town in the South American Andes, I chose a life of travel, adventure and incredible opportunities, experiences and abundance for our family.

And I have given up some important things… things that need to be acknowledged.

What about you? What choices have you made? What losses do you need to acknowledge? To grieve?

I invite you to give yourself the gift of acknowledging them and feeling them… so you can let them go… and have more room in your heart for the joy in your life!

Happy Tuesday!

xoxo,

Natalie

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