§ We came to this world to LIVE OUT LOUD!
Building Resilience as a Family
I have a lot of trauma in my past. Childhood sexual, emotional, physical and substance abuse, as well as leaving my first homeland, the Soviet Union, in the height of the Cold War, to emigrate to the United States.
I didn’t have any closure. I couldn’t say goodbye to family or friends. We left my beloved grandmother, not knowing if we would ever see her again. It was definitely traumatic.
In adulthood, years of therapy and healing followed. Months spent curled up in fetal position crying as I watched a candle burn in the dark of winter.
As I now see my girls react to being unexpectedly far from home for so many months, some of my own past triggers come up to be healed.
My girls were raised to express their feelings and do so frequently. I know it’s healthy and exactly what I wanted for them, yet I sometimes get annoyed at all of their emotions. I find myself wanting them to suck it up and get on with it. To just make the best of it. We have a pool in this house in Florida and an idyllic beach10 minutes away, for God’s sake!
Then I realize that I’m expecting them to behave as I was expected to as a child: SUCK IT UP AND GET ON WITH IT.
When I feel that annoyance come up, I know it’s time to attend to my own inner child.
I close my eyes, take a deep breath and imagine myself at 8 years, the age I was when we left the Soviet Union. I talk to this 8-year old self and ask her how she feels and what she needs. She tells me how I scared she is leaving her homeland for the unknown. I listen. I comfort her.
We heal together.
I feel my compassion for my girls’ pain return. I listen to their feelings. I validate them. I feel like a good mama.
I would never want my girls to go through even 10% of the trauma I’ve lived through. Yet, I’m aware that all that trauma AND HEALING FROM IT has made me resilient.
I know for 100% sure that I can survive anything that life throws my way. It may be painful. It may bring me down to my knees. But it won’t break me. I have survived so much and I have thrived. I have learned so many tools along my journey.
THESE TOOLS SERVE ME NOW, IN TIMES OF GREAT UNCERTAINTY.
They help me feel at home no matter where I am geographically.
I’m always at home within myself. I’m always at home in the Universe.
Then I realize, THEY ARE GOING THROUGH REALLY HARD STUFF RIGHT NOW. They are displaced, far from home, far from friends, far from pets. It’s hard.
That’s how we grow together. That’s how we build resilience.
P.S. I’ve received such amazing feedback about my Wisdom Wednesday series that I’m expanding it even more!
These are FREE 5 – 10 minute short, actionable videos recorded with me FOR YOU by world-renowned experts to help you thrive in these challenging times.
This week, I’m interviewing TWO amazing women:
Dr. Mindy Pelz – Dr. Mindy is crazy passionate about helping women stay healthy through their menopause journey. When menopause hit her hard, Dr. Mindy discovered was that there were 5 steps to her lifestyle that needed to change in order to adjust to the changing hormones that women go through in menopause. She has over 200,000 people a part of her Resetter Movement and once a month, Dr. Mindy leads this group through a free Fast Training Week.
Nancy Levin – Nancy is a Master Life Coach, radio host and best-selling author of five books including her latest, Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free: The Ultimate Guide to Telling the Truth, Creating Connection and Finding Freedom. Formerly the Event Director at Hay House from 2002-2014, Nancy now teaches regularly at Kripalu, 1440 Multiversity and the Hay House Writer’s Workshop and she also recently launched Levin Life Coach Academy – a premier life coach training & certification program designed to revolutionize the industry.
Dr. Mindy and Nancy will share with you how to thrive in these challenging times.
You can watch these short, actionable videos for FREE on my Extraordinary Life After 40 private Facebook group page or you can sign up here to watch it on my website.
Wow- this really spoke to me. I just shared it with several family members. I think it is helpful to know that we are building something special within ourselves when we are in in the midst of tough times. It doesn’t make the trauma or difficulty go away but it gives us strength to realize that we are growing and we are learning a skill (resilience) that will serve us well. I also love the mention of looking at ourselves when we are annoyed… learning to listen to ourselves, to comfort ourselves. Thank you for sharing your wise words and your stories. What a gift you have given me.
Hi Kristina! Thanks for reaching out! It’s very fulfilling for me to know that my journey helps others. The best of luck to you and your family as we all build resilience together! xoxo