§ We came to this world to LIVE OUT LOUD.
5 Truths I Learned From Coming Out!
I have a confession to make: I was scared shitless to launch my website and start this blog.
I’m a creative and powerful woman, a transformational leadership coach, and an adventuress. I have felt the fear and done it anyway… for years.
I found the courage to heal tons of childhood trauma and leave a fancy career that wasn’t me to find my passion and purpose.
I have coached and spoken in front of hundreds of people to help them uncover their passions and create amazing lives for themselves….
I even jumped out of an airplane at 14,000 feet! (That’s me in the photo!)
And yet I was terrified of coming out as the amazing, wise spiritual woman that I am on the internet. Terrified!
Because everything I have done up until now has been me, living life on my own terms, authentically, with my tribe of trusted confidants, fellow seekers and dreamers and doers. It’s been awesome! And very, very comfortable.
When you surround yourself with people who think like you and believe what you believe, it’s all great. Nobody to criticize you, nobody to make fun of you or judge you, nobody to say, “Who does she think she is?”
And this blog is about me playing a BIGGER GAME and inspiring others to do the same. I’m taking a stand for living authentically and sharing what I have learned on my life’s journey (which included investing thousands of hours and dollars into all kinds of personal growth, business and spiritual trainings, working with amazing teachers and healers and basically trying every healing modality and tool under the sun) so that I can be of service to others and so that I can FIND MY TRIBE.
So that sounds awesome, no? What’s so scary about that?
Well…. I am somewhat embarrassed to admit this because I believe myself to be a powerful woman who walks her talk, makes her dream comes true and basically doesn’t care what others think about it… but (and this came as a huge surprise to me!) as I started working on my website and blog in order to take my work out in the world in a bigger way, I was scared shitless!
It turns out that I do care what people think, especially “friends” on Facebook with whom I haven’t actually spoken in person in 20 years. And people I know from my conservative university (“What? She works with shamans now and has gone all woo woo? Wow! And she had so much potential”) And ex-boyfriends. I cringed at the thought of them knowing anything personal about me.
Yep, I found out that I care that these people may criticize me, judge me, say “Who the hell does she think she is?”
Can you relate? Have you been scared to come out and be who you are and say what you have to say because you’re afraid that people will judge you or criticize you?
So… gulp… the crappy thing about being in the personal transformation lifestyle (and this really is a lifestyle!), is that I can’t just realize that I am terrified, leave it alone, and go hide.
Nope! I feel the need to grow and learn and work through my fears so I can do what I came here to do – LIVE OUT LOUD! And what better way to get over my fear of what others may think then to just write about it and admit that this is what’s happening publicly. Consider this my public confession.
Because here’s the thing: when we hide who we are because we’re afraid of what others may think or say, we dim our light. We make ourselves small. We give away our power – power to be authentic, to lead and to inspire others to do the same. We let all of our hard-won wisdom and life experience go to waste.
Here’s what I discovered from coming out: my tribe loves me and wants more of me! They are inspired by who I am and what I have to say. It encourages them to do the same in their own lives!
How cool is that?
And I’ll be honest. Only 35% of my list even opened my first blog post. Many people unsubscribed from my list without even opening it. And even fewer reached out to say “Thanks” or “Wow! That really inspired me! I didn’t know that about you!”
It hurt for a moment. I took it personally for a few minutes. I wondered if what I had to say had any merit.
But then I realized, with the help of an amazing healer that I work with, that it has nothing to do with me. Anything we do is always a reflection of what’s going on inside of us. It’s never about the other person. So they didn’t open up my email or unsubscribed because they are not interested or too busy or could care less about living with passion and purpose. It has nothing to do with me.
What does have to do with me is to get over myself and my fear and just start writing and speaking what I have learned on my life journey. It will help those that it’s meant to help. And it will make me feel like I am doing what I was put on this Earth to do.
And it was so gratifying when those souls reached out to me to say “Thank you. You inspire me!” This feedback made it all worth it.
That’s my approach to life in so many ways. I feel the fear and just jump in before I have too much time to think about it. That’s how I have been able to create this amazing life for myself and that’s definitely how I jumped out of that plane.
Because here are 5 Truths I have learned from coming out and in life:
1. Fear is normal. Our minds are designed to protect us from change (which our minds interpret as unknown and dangerous) causing the mind to send all sorts of messages to the body and the nervous system… alarm, alarm, alarm, danger, danger, danger. So anytime you are playing a BIGGER GAME or even switching your favorite _____, you are going to feel fear. You are going to feel uncomfortable. The question is: what are you going to do with it?
2. You can’t let fear stop you. Period! We can override our reptilian brains and ask ourselves – is this fear real? Will I really be eaten by a tiger if I do this? What’s the worst thing that can happen? We can do Byron Katie’s “the Work”. We can tap it away (my personal favorite).
3. Failure is not a big deal. Really! The worst thing that can happen in most circumstances is that you try something and it doesn’t work out. That’s it. You can make it mean that you are a horrible, awful person. Or you can just look at what didn’t work out, learn from the experience and tweet it for next time. What would have happened if nobody opened my email? Or said “thanks.”? Absolutely nothing!
4. We are so afraid of other people’s judgements and criticisms when most people are too busy with their own lives to even pay attention to what we are doing. The truth is that the people who have time to judge you and criticize you just don’t have enough good stuff going on in their own lives. Do you want what you do and how you do it to be determined by these people? Do you think that the people you admire and look up to are sitting around judging you and picking you apart? Nope. I guarantee that they are too busy creating amazing lives for themselves to waste their energy judging others.
5. Nothing is worse than regret. Fear stops us from taking action, from trying, from going for our dreams. We make excuses. Nothing changes. Time passes. And we are left with regret. I have read that many people say on their deathbeds that the worst thing is the road not taken, the idea not explored, the love not given, the life not fully lived. Trust me, your ego can handle mistakes, even failure, and you will always know that you have tried. Regret, on the other hand, slowly eats away at you, whispering into your ear, “What if….”, “If only you had….”.
So here you have it, my public confession – I’m scared and yet I am determined to share who I am authentically and honestly so that I can get over this fear of what people who don’t actually know me think and so I can hopefully inspire others to do the same. Life is too short to do anything less than LIVE IT ON YOUR OWN TERMS!
Plus, I have to tell you that hitting SEND on the second blog post is way easier than the first. With fear, like with everything else in life, practice makes perfect.
So, let’s start forming a tribe of fellow women (and perhaps a few good men) who want to live life on our own terms, be authentic, feel comfortable in our skins, have adventures, kick-ass relationships, successful businesses that light us up and do good in the world, start movements and non profits, all while taking radically good care of ourselves (mind, body and spirit), having lots of fun and stopping to smell the roses.
Are you in? Or thinking about it?
Welcome! Just start the conversation and share in the comments section below. Or head over to my Facebook page and join the community by sharing the answers to these questions:
Can you relate? Where is fear holding you back from coming out? From playing the Bigger Game? What do you need support with?