§ We came to this world to LIVE OUT LOUD.
3 Keys to Self Love
Do you believe it’s selfish or self-indulgent to love yourself?
I don’t.
Loving yourself is not only the basis for creating success on your own terms, it’s also the basis of creating healthy relationships and for being able to freely give to others.
From the heart without resentment.
My road to loving myself was a long one. Each step painfully walked.
It’s not an uncommon journey:
⋅ Childhood trauma and abuse
⋅ Creating a persona that others liked
⋅ Realizing I built a life based on the desires and opinions of others, a life that wasn’t my own
Can you relate?
And then:
- The many years of therapy to understand, heal and transform my childhood pain
- Trying every emotional and spiritual modality under the sun
- Learning to love myself
After twenty-five years on this journey, I can honestly say I love myself.
I even like myself most of the time.
And when I don’t, I have tons of tools to remember why I am amazing just as I am, imperfections and all.
Here’s what I have learned are the 3 keys to loving yourself:
1. Speak to Yourself Nicely – I can’t emphasize this enough. Learn to speak to yourself as you would to a beloved. Be kind and compassionate as you speak about yourself to others and to yourself in your own head. Catch yourself saying things like “I’m so dumb”, “I can’t believe I… (fill in the blank with something negative)” or “I always … (something negative)” and CUT IT OUT.
Start with “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” and work your way up to “I love myself because…”
2. Get to Know Yourself – How can you love somebody you don’t even know very well? Who are you really, deep inside? What do you love to do? What fills your heart with joy? Who do you love being around? What activities make time pass by in an instant? What does your body like to eat? How does it like to move? What makes you feel beautiful?
It’s really important to answer these questions and get really clear on who you are. And of course, you get just as much info by asking the opposite questions, what do you do that you hate doing? Who in your life sucks your energy and you would rather not spend time with? Etc.
3. Value Your Time and Energy/ Learn to Set Boundaries – if you’re like most women, this is the hardest key to master. How often do you say “yes” to doing something you really don’t want to do because you’re afraid of upsetting the other person? How often do you disregard your own needs for rest or time doing something you enjoy to instead help another? How difficult is it sometimes to say “no”?
Learning to honor yourself and your needs and set the appropriate boundaries with other people (including those closest to you) is the ultimate act of self-love. It teaches others how to treat you and it teaches your “inner little girl” that you love her enough to take care of her.
It also models to your children what it means to honor themselves.
It replenishes you so that when you say “yes” to something, you really mean it and give to others with your full heart.
I really encourage you to try it. And if like most people, you find boundaries difficult to set, I have a special gift for you…
On Thursday, September 28that 1 pm EST…. a Facebook Live where I will teach you an easy, loving and effective way to set boundaries.
I would also love to hear from you – which of the 3 keys to self-love do you struggle with the most? Feel free to leave a comment below or write me at natalie@nataliematushenko.com
Happy Tuesday!
