§ We came to this world to LIVE OUT LOUD!

Letting It All Fall to Pieces

Jun 16, 2020

Sometimes the most courageous act is to let everything fall apart so you can decide which pieces you want to pick up again and which you want to leave behind or even sweep up and throw in the garbage.

I don’t know about you but I’m feeling so damned tired of trying to hold it all together. The energy and pain on the global level as we struggle with COVID-19, extreme poverty and racial injustice is intense. Add to that family, work/business/financial worries, relationships, attending to friends, the house – it’s all too much sometimes.
And even all this is extreme PRIVILEDGE. I have food to eat, a house to shelter me, a family who loves me and I was born to the race that is not discriminated against on the global level.
I have a lot in my life that many people on our planet want and yet, I am feeling overwhelmed.

I have been confronted this week with how much energy I expend trying to control the outcomes of life for myself, my loved ones and the planet.

IT’S EXHAUSTING!
I thought I had it all figured out and handled. Before COVID-19 arrived, I was living the way I wanted, where I wanted, with whom I wanted, doing what I wanted. A HUGE PRIVILEGE
I was living in abundance in South America, traveling the world four months a year with my super close family, doing work that felt meaningful and has helped thousands of women. I enjoyed good health. I thought I pretty much had it all.
The longer I spend marooned in semi-isolation in Southwestern Florida (we see my parents a couple times per week), the more I’m confronted with WHO AM I WITHOUT THE CONSTRUCTS OF MY LIFE? Without the travel? The adventure? Without my girls around? (They are here with me now but I am so conscious of how fleeting this all is and how soon they will be leaving us.)

What am I meant to learn from this experience? How am I meant to grow? How can I help advance consciousness and understanding on our planet?

If I can never get on a plane again (probably exaggerated but worth considering), how do I want my life to be?
Where do I want to live? How? What kind of community do I want to be surrounded by at this juncture of my life? How do I want to keep serving humanity?

So many questions without answers right now.

It’s unnerving and unsettling, yet I’m sensing that one of the biggest gifts of these unprecedented times is for me to re-evaluate my life. For all of us to re-evaluate our lives.
This is just the beginning.
I’m toying with the idea of letting go of trying to control it all – one breath at a time.
Whenever I get anxious over not knowing where we will be in a few months – the United States or Colombia or somewhere else – or if and where my girls will go to school or whether my oldest will make it back to Armenia. Whenever, I find myself worrying about my girls’ futures… I take a deep breath and say a prayer:

“Please Universe guide us for the highest good for all. Make the next step on the path clear. And give me the wisdom and courage to see and follow your guidance.”

And I drop the worry, practicing trust. Trust that I will be guided. Trust that we will all be guided. Trust that these challenging times will lead to a more evolved consciousness for each of us and for the planet.
And I exhale.

What about you? Where do you need to drop control right now? What do you need to let fall and break to pieces? What do you want to pick up again? What do you want to leave behind?

You know I love hearing from you so feel free to leave a comment below or email me at natalie@nataliematushenko.com

 

Happy Tuesday!

 xoxo,

Natalie

 

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2 Comments

  1. Sarah Waters
    Sarah Waters on June 16, 2020 at 19:35

    Hi Natalie
    This is just where I am right now: feeling that I am to let go of helping a newish company with their sales and marketing because I am not feeling aligned with what I am being asked to do; there’s the uncertainty of whether what I’ve been doing over the past 11 years will return due to this Covid-19 virus. Indeed, it does feel as if my life is about to “fall apart” and deep down I’ve this feeling of sadness. I am fortunate to have a strong belief, knowing that Source/ God/Universe is supporting as I’ve been supported so many other times.

    Maybe I’m to let go of this deep sadness, ask for it to be taken from me. When that is done, be filled with joy and trust that I am a child of the Universe, that I have a purpose to be here and that is by be-ing me. Let the concern about being in control with the attempt to bring in funds in order to just keep going. It’s challenging as I am wondering how I am going to keep going financially, and also thinking, is this continuous struggle worth it…

    There is talk that we are here to support each other within communities. I am in my late 60’s and am wondering where on Earth I fit in, what do I have that will be of benefit to others, that will serve them. I’m currently living in the UK and feel that things are falling apart here. Also I am a free agent in that I have no family ties… Facebook is asking too many personal questions for me to join it, hence not joining your “Extraordinary Life after 40” private Facebook group.

    My apologies if this is coming across as heavy… yet I’ve awoken and it’s 1.32 am on 17.6.20. Something good must come from all this deep change that’s happening.

    Reply
    • Natalie Matushenko
      Natalie Matushenko on June 17, 2020 at 22:26

      Hi Sarah! Thanks for reaching out and sharing what is deep in your heart. These are very challenging times for so many and please know that you have a community here. There is a lot of “heaviness” for many of us and grief and questioning at the same time as there is faith in the Universe/Source to support us. I too believe that something good will come from all the change that’s happening.xoxo

      Reply

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